BILLI (billinaction) wrote,
BILLI
billinaction

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day of hell

so, i stayed at tristia's last night. woohoo. I actually got some sleep, too. I usually have a hard time sleeping in other places not my own. I woke up, got ready, checked voicemail. This wasn't a good thing. A friend left me a message saying that I am on the verge of not being a friend b/c of all the stuff going on right now with roxanne. That made me sad. She also told me somethings that were said about me. I called roxanne (7:45am) to confront her. Believe me this week has been nothing but confrontation after confrontation. She wouldnt listen to me, hung up on me. Then I was on my way to her house to talk about it, and she called me. We talked/fought/cried. in the end, she is getting her way. We are no longer friends. She doesn't want to hear from me. I have 'ruined what is left of the rest of her life'. I have 'taken away everything that she loves and cares about'. So, yea, there is a lot of guilt going on. I don't want to be responsible for everything going wrong in her life. She has to take some freakin blame of her own. I feel shitty. I can't stop crying. Everything is a disaster. I skipped class because I just can't listen to 2+2 any longer. I will die if i have to. I just want to sit with my girl and cry all day. Things just suck right now. I have totally fucked up a friendship that I thought was special. I think that Roxanne and I were viewing it in different ways. We just can't be what the other wants us to be right now, I think. and maybe not ever. maybe we were meant to split and stay that way. As for the hit, she says 'once is enough' and i agree with that. she just doesnt understand that i wasnt hitting her to hurt her. i dont know why i did it. it just happened. and i'm sorry. AHH! and GRR! i hate this. At least i get some relaxation time today. Tris switched english classes. woohoo. so she is in class now and maybe will come hang with me when she gets out. i could really use that. I have to work yet again tonight. then homework then shoot myself. meow*
GSA movie night tomorrow 6pm. We are watching Better Than Chocolate.
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