BILLI (billinaction) wrote,
BILLI
billinaction

isn't it funny

Isn't it funny how things turn out when you aren't paying attention? I ran into roxanne and jennifer today.. well, I was meeting to talk with roxanne and her puppy just so happened to be with her.. imagine that.. anyway.. I noticed that Roxanne treats me differently, talks to me differently, whenever Jennifer is around. All weekend we chatted and things were fun times.. until jen was around. If she talks to me in Jen's presense she has this tone in her voice like I should be blessed to have her talking to me.. as if she is doing me some kind of favor and she rather be washing her hair than talking to me.. When jen is at work or not around, she talks to me like we always have, like we usually do. Its just us and its fun times. I wonder why she acts like that? did she tell jen that she hates me and she talks to me out of pity or is it that she doesnt know how to act around jen?
i invited them to the next party that i might have.. and jen said no, because she likes to sleep.. funny, isnt it.. how people can make an excuse to get out of anything. she could have said 'i dont wanna go b/c im a ho and i fucked you over'.lol now that would have been classic to see!!
I went to the Triangle on Wednesday with the girls.. and Matt, Greg, Dave... we had interesting times. I was a little too drunk.. as is becoming my normal. and i talked to roxanne who told me i was still her B and she hoped i was ok. bla bla bla.. so i got more fucked up.. ended up in bed with this girl i dont like sexually. we didnt mess around really.. by definition..kissing.. a little petting.. but neither of us got off, so it was wasated time really. I feel like an ass tho, i total jennifer.. this chic is in a relationship with someone that i know. so, i told her girl.. probably not the best idea (would have been better coming from her g/f) and things got weird. Now, I am managing not to feel so shitty as I was a few days ago. My friend has forgiven me.. sort of.. and we are talking at least. that makes me happy. I have always enjoyed her friendship and I didnt want to lose that b/c of some messed up moment i had. We talked last night for a long time, and it was good. I learn more about people when i talk to them late at night/early morning. people say everything in the wee hours. and i enjoy that. i enjoy girls. i want more friends that are girls. I want more everything.
i dreamed last night that i was happy again.. that life was what i wanted it to be, and i had a wonderful woman sharing it with me. everythign was absolutely fabulous.. so now im waiting for this wonderfulness to occur.. might be waiting for a while. I told Tristia I wont hold my breath waiting of happines.. i'd most likely die.. lol. I just want those days of new love again. that was fabulous, i was exstatic. here is hoping to find real love.. or at least some hot girl.. like the ones on The L Word.. i finally watched it last night.. gotta love lesbian sex. tee hee hee.. time to study for psychology test.. more whenever..
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