February 4th, 2005

tea time


I officially hate my father. its been said so many times before but he really hurt me yesterday. I had to do this paper for Human Relations about my birth. So, i interviewed mom and i interviewed dad, too. How different can the 2 stories be? Apparently, a hell of a lot different. My dad told me that he must have been drunk when i was concieved (incinuating that he would have never fucked my mother otherwise). When in actuality, i was conceived on St. Patty's Day.. exactly that date and no one was drunk. I was born Jan and to anyone in michigan, you know that the chances of a SUMMER DAY in january are sort of slim. You can have some sunshine but no 80 degree whether. My dad told me that i was born on a sunny summer day with blonde hair. I was born in -13 degree weather and there was a blizzard. I had BLACK hair, i have seen my birth photos. I just cried. I didnt even bother to correct him. It hurt me to know that he had no idea of what was going on.. whose fucking birth was he at? one of my lil brothers maybe? Michael was born in march and gary in june.. so maybe.. and both were blonde. On top of the fact that he exitted the room when announced i was female. he wanted a boy so damn bad. So, my suspicions are confirmed once again, my dad would give a shit about me if i was a boy. GRR! So completely frustrated by this..
on to another note, i am no longer housing my brother. yesterday tris and i moved him to his new place. THANK GOD! he totally did not want to go, but i just couldnt do it anymore. he had already paid the guy and everything, so dammit he was moving. tris was more than enthusiastic about him leaving. it sort of made me sad. We are so financially unstable right now. having him stay with us really put us in a bind. i dont know what we are going to do. i hope he can be a young man now. i really want him to grow the fuck up and start living on his own. i worry about him, though. i could barely sleep last night because i was worried about him. i cant do that though. i just cant be his mommy.
i am getting a new cellphone. this should excite everyone who calls me. due to my constant problems with connection and dropped calls, i am going to be a recipient of a FREE CELL PHONE from samsung. that makes me happy. i freaking hate my phone. i am participating in a trial phone use thing. after a few months if i do all the things they want me to, the phone is mine for keeps. looks like i will be renewing my contract in a few months, huh?
got interviewed by my human relations teacher. he is on some LGBT committee or something and they are doing research on community college LGBT life and how they can make it better. so i told him what i thought of how accepting MCC is, they are getting better, and what i thought they should do more of, more cultural awareness.. not just for black history month and native american history but for everyone who is different. so, maybe this will have an affect on someone. aight, student government calls and then i have to go to work. Finally, after a million days off, i get to work.