October 7th, 2006

tea time

out of sight

out of sight out of mind? I don't know. I surely hope it works.
I am leaving tomorrow in the morning. Going where my roots are, going to Michigan. I hope to get down to AL really soon also. I need my mom. I know that sounds pathetic but I need her. I need the love and support of all of the people I cherish in Michigan.
I hate driving and I am scared to death about this trip tomorrow. I drive 5 hrs to the ferry, then spend 4 hrs on it, land in Ludington and drive about 3+ hours to Flint. I haven't even worked out where I will be staying. I don't know anything. I'm just going. no plan. fuck. scary.
tea time


Today was long and hard. Tristia and Mel came over today. We all had lunch and then Mel took Liz and went to her house to prep for her party tonight. Tristia spent the day helping me pack things up and generally just being there for me. Seems like every hour I was having some sort of breakdown and was crying and being pathetic. My head hurt so bad and I just needed to lay down and she lay and talked to me. I feel better about this not working. I know that I haven't gotten myself situated yet and it will be a while. But I do feel better about us not working out. That's my realization, things just didn't work out. No matter what I did it was not my fault. I just wasn't the type of person that she wanted to be with. It happens. She was very comforting today. I am glad that we aren't fighting or being awkward. Tomorrow we will spend the evening together and then I'm off to Michigan on Monday. I can't believe how things have changed almost daily for the last few weeks. I am ready to be in control.