December 5th, 2006

tea time

time out

I am taking a break.

I told Tristia I can't talk to her anymore.

I told Mel that I need a break for a little while.

I have a lot of thinking and processing to do and I need to figure out what I feel for Tristia and put those feelings away. I love her but we can't be together, I can't forget the things she said/did to me before and during the breakup. I don't want that type of relationship again. She can't offer me what I want in a partner. It's a sad truth. Now, I just need to get through these feelings that I have to prove something to Tristia, that I am good enough, that it wasn't my fault.

I hurt Mel by taking this time, I know that. I just need to do it alone without leaning on anyone, especially her. In order to be a better person for her, I need to be able to give her everything. Right now I can't. I hate that I am so mixed up inside.