BILLI (billinaction) wrote,

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rainy ramblings

its raining really lightly outside and i love it. its not downpouring and its not just a sprinkle. the sun is actually out, too. it just looks nice and i want to sit outside and get all wet!! but there is no one to be wet with, so its really no fun. the past few days have been kind of icky for me. just internal drama. hung out with tate's crew 2 nights in a row and that was good for me. I needed that time. i called emily today b/c she left me a message saying she needed to talk to me and ask me something. well, we ended up talking for over 2 hours, i can't believe my dinky ass phone didnt die. I haven't talked to her like that in YEARS! seriously, it was the best conversation i have had in a long time. it was stimulating to my mind and i totally lost track of time. before i knew it, 5pm was here and i was like woah, i gotta take a nap. So yea, we talked about relationships, all sorts of shit that has happened with us. I am still super glad that i got to talk to her. i have admired hir for a very long time. she is so awesome and has done so much in hir 26 years. i love her to peices and i'm glad that she trusts me and that we can talk like we did today. i usually only have those conversations with sara or cj and carrie. i learned a lot of things today that i wasnt aware of before. a lot about my em and a lot about me.
anyway, back to napping. i listened to one of the CD's that chris gave me and passed out until like 6:40pm when i had to get up and refreshed. going to tristia's tonight. tell me that's not scary. I am always so nervous around her parents b/c i know how they expect me to be and thats not me. I don't know how to be myself with people who don't accept my life with their daughter. I want them to be okay with it, and i think they are so long as they don't have to see it. that's what sucks. dating someone who can't be out fully to the family, who still has barriers. ah, i will survive i'm sure. just really sore and tired today. i have shitty work schedule. 2-10 the next 3 days then 3rds sat and sun. blah on that. gotta go to PFLAG on sunday tho. and friday is BAR NIGHT! hopefully this time will be better than the last. i need some fun in my life right now. i feel like i'm being too serious. I haven't had any tris time since i have been back and that's sad. it makes us ill. :( tonight.. will be better.

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