optimisticroxanne came over for a little bit.. we had to have this talk.. and it was really sad truly. There were a lot of things that needed to be said, and we said them. i told her that i dont think i will ever be able to be with her again, even though i love her. she has hurt me too much, i have seen too much. i just cant just sit around being hurt. i am stronger than that. i told her that i deserve better than her. i deserve to be respected and to be at the top of the list, i wont settle for second best, and i wont be the back up bitch when shit dont work out. so yea, she cried told me she loved me she misses me she knows she fucked up. and i told her how she brought it on herself, and she made this decision. i cant let someone string me along, i am a BETTER PERSON than this. i deserve happiness and dammit i am actually happy now. it was a relief to tell her those things, but also it really hurt me. i cant believe the things i said. i told her i cant be with her now, and maybe not ever. i am having a hard time getting over what happened and what i saw and i dont want to be with her if i cant get past it. so, yea, she is going to have to do a lot of work on herself. she isnt the woman i fell in love with anymore. if she got her shit straight maybe, but right now i need a person as strong as i am, a person that can hold themselves together but also knows how to be in a relationship. we arent ready to be that right now, and i wont settle for less, not again. WOO.. that was a lot of emotional baggage lost..
so back to the party.. emily and the gang came.. she told me some things about myself/past relationship that really got a reaction out of me. she told me something i wanted to hear though it is irrelevant to anything now. lol . funny how that happens sometimes. but it was nice times. and i had fun with jaime and tristia and sara and nicole and stacy.. we all bonded!! gotta love lesbian drama sometimes. sara wouldnt hook up with anyone though she teased everyone. it was halarious truly. we were awake til 10am omg.. i got 3 hours of sleep before work. so tired. but i worked with sara so it was ok and we talked a lot and laughed too damn much. there was so much to talk about. and it was good times to have my sara back again. :)yay! it was definitely fun times. and stacy had me laughing so damn hard. she had awesome midget jokes.. maybe she was trying to make me feel better for gettin played out by a short chic.. but either way it was great. and she got ho'd for a mandyke.. hate when that happens.. anyway.. im out.. peace
