BILLI (billinaction) wrote,

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relationship list and other rants

ok, so i found the list last night while talking with adam.. so here it goes.. these are what i am looking for in a woman, i am sure that i will change/add some things over time:
strength, independence, understands the importance of romance, steals my heart, makes me smile when I think about her, knows how to treat a girl, has eyes only for me, confidence, determined, ambitious, in control, makes me smile just by looking at me, plays with my hair, good at cuddling, not afraid to sleep naked, only says i love you when she means it, listens to me babble, makes me feel special, gives good/meaningful compliments, likes to drive, listens to good music, isnt afraid to commit, is ready to start a future, likes to laugh, enjoys picnics and parks, reads good books, is honest when we talk, wants me completely but doesnt need me, can be my best friend, will fight for me, respects me

Yea, so that is the current list, i am sure it will grow as time goes on.
Interesting news to share: Jennifer told Kyle that when she sees me she is going to slap me. And you know what, I hope that she does. I could really use to let loose of some aggression and inner feelings right now. That bitch thinks that she is woman enough to hit me, i would LOVE to see her try. I would kill her. AAHHH!!! *angry face* This morning roxanne was being SUPER BITCH to me about some shit that she did. and I was so mad I just wish she would die and leave me alone sometimes. Its hard to have anything to do with her. Its hard to hear about her sex life and her everything life. I dont want to deal with it, I shouldnt have to.. on the other side, here she is trying to be my friend, and when I need a friend, she ignores me. Dont say i'm here if you need to talk if you really mean im here if i feel like it. Friends aren't like that.. and I dont know why i even thought i could consider her a friend. officially. FOR THE LAST TIME.. i am going to exclude her from every part of my life..well, except when i write journal entries.
I was so depressed last night and i hung out with adam and it was cute to see him gush about his boi.. its so damn cute. and then i just sat there looking into space. Mom called late and we talked.. finally i was free to have that emotional breakdown i have needed. I love that about my mom. She always calls at the right time. I was ranting about how ppl say they are there for you and then they arent..( this is a recurring problem with me) and she is like i'm here for you bla bla.. because i love you. love is not a reason to be there for someone. the ppl that love me arent there for me. It was just a sad conversation where i cried a lot and said a lot of things that made sense to me. Mothers know how to make me feel better. I wish that she were here, though. and i could just sit and talk to her. then i called kyle today and cried to him and was all full of rage. gettin all this emotion out now is good for me.hopefully i can keep up with all my good decisions and get out of this funk i have sucked into the last day or so. hah, kyle told roxanne that i had sex and she was pissed.. 'So thats how its gonna be' she says.. lol

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