I dont know what the fuck is going on tonight. It has definitely been a weird night.. there have been ups and there have been DOWNS.. party was fun.. had good times. talked with tristia.. i think she knows something and i dont know how i feel about her knowing this something. its weird.. ech. the evening was fucked.. then blah.. emails from roxanne and jen in response to my emails. I hate it that people are how they are sometimes. I just wished everyone could be real and honest and stop being fucked up. I made my decision to not be a part of anything they have going on. i wish that they hadnt emailed me back. i didnt want to read the things i had to see with these tired eyes. i wish that i could go back to laying in my bed smiling. eh. whatever. life will never be the same,and i see this now.. and i saw it then. its a tough realization that the one you were spending the rest of your life with is spending her life with someone else. HEH man, i feel fucked up right now. It has been such a weird night, to get those emails was just like a slap right into my heart. i know i am a bitch and i know i am mean because i am hurt, i just wish that it was ok to feel how i do, that everyone didnt think i was nuts b/c i feel bitter and because i take it out on the people who did it to me. it gets me nowhere i know, but for the minute it made me feel better. anyway, thanks for being here tonight it made everything a little better. i appreciate you more than you know at this minute. have a great day everyone.