BILLI (billinaction) wrote,
BILLI
billinaction

  • Mood:

surviving

I think that at times everyone goes through something that just tears them apart and they don't know what they are going to do. In these situations, a person needs friends and some compassion to help them cope. I know I have had some difficult times when I didnt know how i would ever find a smile. Right now, a friend of mine is going through something hard. She and her girlfriend just broke up and things are really crazy. I feel really bad for her... having had a hard break up not that long ago myself. It hurts me to see her crying and I know that there isn't really anything that I can do to make it any better for her but I can try to make her feel better. I can listen to her talk and encourage her, I suppose. I can offer her hot meals and a place to stay when things get nuts. I wonder if that is enough? I always wonder if I am doing enough for the people that I care about. I do so much for a community that I sometimes don't feel apart of but am I doing enough in my personal life for the people that I love?!
Do I put more effort into my activism than I do into caring for people I know? I know that sounds a little crazy but I wonder. I know that sometimes I am so busy with this and that and I don't even have time for my friends. Is that fair to them, is it fair to me? Am I selling myself short because I want to achieve so much and help out so many different causes? Avoidance.. dont deal with real issues that concern myself specifically, just do activism in a broad way so that i am helping someone/something!? What the fuck?!
Am i losing it? i am very bogged down this time of year. I have like NO money and $400 in bills due and i just want to cry. I hate feeling helpless to myself. ok, i gotta go do some stuff. i got a gmail account so i am setting that up.
THANKS everyone for coming to my dinner on Friday. i really enjoyed all the laughter and sex jokes!
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